So as most of my readers know, on November 7, I had a miscarriage. And since we had made the choice to publicly tell people about my pregnancy, I made the choice to publicly announce my miscarriage, and use that learning experience to create a blog post about it as well.
On January 19, a little over 2 months later, at about 0730 in the morning, two pink lines showed up on a pregnancy test. I cried, I called my mom, I called my best friend who was on her way from 29 Palms, I called my husband, all while sitting on the bathroom floor. That afternoon I headed to a pregnancy resource center in town, with my best friend in tow, to get confirmation. I was prayed over, and left absolutely giddy.
On February 9, I had my first prenatal appointment (I hate having blood drawn), and my first ultrasound. I saw a teeny little life, with a teeny little heartbeat at 133BPM. Just a few hours later, at 8 weeks, we announced this pregnancy publicly as well.
Since making it known, I’ve gotten messages from friends and acquaintances saying, “why didn’t you wait? Aren’t you worried? I would’ve waited until I was past 13 weeks.” Well, guess what? Good for you, if that’s what you’re comfortable with.
Me? Everything looks good. I heard that tiny heartbeat, and I’m confident. But the big thing for me is this: all life deserves to be celebrated and loved, no matter how short it may be. A baby isn’t a secret, to be hidden in the dark. So while I continue to pray, I’m also continuing to celebrate the life I’m growing (I use the term celebrate loosely-there’s nothing party like about morning sickness).
This pregnancy isn’t just mine and Ricky’s child- it’s my parents’ grandchild, my siblings’ niece or nephew, my bestfriend’s joy, too. There isn’t a need for me to hide what’s happening, or wallow in the worry of every cramp and spot. I will continue to be ecstatic over the fact that God has blessed me, and when the time comes, I will teach that someone came before you, sugar bean. I’m going to rejoice in the fact that I have a reason for the 24 hour nausea, the back aches, the fact that I’ll be turning into a pink zebra.
So far, I puke too often, mac&cheese no longer sounds good ever, I’m craving food you can’t get in California, I don’t sleep enough…but I’m beyond happy. Stay tuned for the next 32.5 weeks 😉
“Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high…there’s a land that I heard of once, in a lullaby.”