Imma bout to get real real, folks. Buckle up.
I’ve never been “skinny”. I think the last time I was a size 0-2 was when I was like 12. I’ve just been thicker. I mean, hey, whatever though. My thighs are the size of your entire torso? Cool.
2015, my boyfriend proposed and I was in the gym A. LOT. in order to fit into my wedding dress. Which, yay for me, was maybe a little loose on the day of. Deployment started and I threw myself into the gym. Once a day, sometimes twice, early Saturday morning, late on Friday night. I lost 20 pounds! The scale was below 140 and I was ecstatic. Y’all gotta know, your girl is short as heck. I’m barely over 5 feet, which, ideally, means I’m supposed to weigh between 90 and 110 pounds. I haven’t weighed that little since the 8th grade.
And then I moved to California. I was still a little active, but I had stopped working two jobs, and my Fitbit was buzzing at me to move more often than before. The last month before homecoming was brutal. I was lazy, I was sad, and y’all know I’m from the south, which means when I feel, I eat. And then husband came home.
Yay!! I did miss him a lot. But that meant no gym time, because why would I want to workout when I could snuggle with my human in bed? So now, I’m sure y’all have guessed, I’ve gained weight. I’ve lost motivation because I’ve been out of the gym so long. It’s an awful feeling when the jeans I was wearing 3 months ago don’t fit now. Y’all know it’s terrible when even my husband said, “I mean, I’ve noticed. But I’m not bothered.” (Not ragging on him, I did ask for honesty.)
So here’s the sad part: I stopped loving myself. Let me be clear; I’m awesome. I’m a queen and I know that. But it’s so hard to love me when everyday it’s a battle of “what’s in the closet that still fits?”
It’s taken a while. And let me say something else, because I’m sure I’ll get a few comments about it: I’m not glorifying being overweight. I’m not saying “well, I love me, so get over it”. Being overweight is unhealthy, and I’m working on it. Really, I am. I know what my body is capable of, and y’all are gonna watch this come up.
But there’s nothing wrong with loving the work in progress that is me. I’m constantly growing. In my faith, in my knowledge, in my career opportunities, and in the shrinking of the number on the scale.
I’m not where I want to be, but BECAUSE I love myself, I’m working on me.
I just wanted to let all y’all know, it’s okay to love yourself while you’re working on yourself. I’m still awesome. I’m not a size 6 anymore, or even an 8, but I’m still a fantastic human being. I’m a great wife, a good cook. I’m a volunteer and I’m a lover of fur babies everywhere. I love babies and my friends. I love to write, to sing, to work. My size doesn’t change who I am. And I shouldn’t let it tell me I’m less than who I used to be. (Obviously, because there’s more of me. Lol)
Y’all, use this year to fall in love with yourselves. Maybe you’re not trying to get fit. Maybe you’re trying to budget better, or learn an instrument. Maybe you’re looking for a new career. Do it. Do the things you’re craving, and fall in love with the person doing them.
Y’all are all smart, and beautiful, and talented. No matter your size, your looks, or your capabilities. Be healthy, be wonderful, be unapologetically you. This year belongs to you. Get to it.