Marriage is Ugly 

After being married for a year, I can say this: it rocks. 

You’re probably scratching your head because I usually use my blog as a format to complain and do Internet eye rolls. But today I’m just gonna be 1) sappy and 2) kinda salty. Anything new? (….nope) 

In the past few days, I’ve seen like 50 million Facebook posts and shared articles about how marriage is “ugly”. How it’s not cuddling in bed or making dinner every night. How instead it’s about slamming doors and harsh words. It’s about fighting and stolen covers. 

The whole point of the particular post I’ve seen is to shed light on the “reality” of relationships and marriage. That even though it sucks to fight and eat quick cheap meals and to have the covers stolen, it’s worth it because you love each other. 

…..okay. Sure. Give me bunches of negatives and say “but you love each other, so it’s worth it!” Right. That totally makes me think differently about relationships and marriage. Like maybe it’s not worth it.

 Instead, let me shed a little personal light on the subject of marriage. 

Marriage isn’t always easy. Most of the time? For us, yeah. But everyone is different. We fight, too. I slam doors and get angry that he didn’t get the oil changed like I’d asked 50 times. He gets moody and pouts about me being upset. You can’t help arguing. You can’t make everything perfect. Why? We’re human. 

But marriage=work. Why do we cuddle in bed before peacefully falling asleep? Because we choose to. We don’t go to bed angry. Why is there always dinner on the table or leftovers being rewarmed? Because I put that work in. Why is the house relatively clean, but always picked up? Because we work on it throughout the week. Why are we happy even when we’re mad? Because we work on it! 

This generation is all about instant gratification, and that doesn’t happen with marriages. The idea that your marriage should be all the stupid “goals 😍❤️” without you putting in work is laughable. Arguments are inevitable. Disagreements happen. Days are busy. 

But that doesn’t mean you get to go to bed angrily and say “well, that’s just how marriage is”. No it’s not. 

Marriage is waking up with my best friend everyday and grumbling about how early it is. Marriage is playing with the dog outside. Marriage is cooking dinner and snuggling on the couch. Marriage is “Netflix and chill” where sometimes you actually watch Netflix. (Sometimes. 😎) 

And it’s only that way because we’ve decided it should be. We’ve worked at it. We’ve said this is the way we want our marriage to be, and made it happen. 

Marriage isn’t ugly, millenials. Marriage just redefines your idea of beauty. Put in some work. 

Xoxo, 

Em. 

Photo credits to Katelyn Gebhard Photography 

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