Alright, so. Obviously I’m moving, and if you follow me on any of my social media, you can plainly see I’m excited. Also nervous and terrified, but excited is a good overall feeling.
Also, obviously, I got married a little over 6 months ago.
Now, I get that with marriage and moving and life, people want to know “what’s next?!” LOL at you, because if I knew, I probably wouldn’t be so moody 24/7. And the question of children is a normal one. But let’s discuss where I stand on that.
1) I don’t want kids right now. Why?
Because I’m not even 20, I’ve been married for six months and I haven’t even spent a quarter of that actually with my husband. So first off, having a child would be a little difficult without him, if you catch my drift. Second, I want to enjoy newlywed life for just a minute. I want Saturday mornings to start when I wake up, not when the infant in the next room decides Saturday should start.
2) “You’ll change your mind!”
Okay? So? Maybe I will. Maybe in 6 years I decide that I do want a child, and I want four of them. But guess what? Right now, I have no desire for that lifestyle, and the possibility that I might change my mind later doesn’t invalidate my opinions or thoughts that I’m having presently.
3) I’m not a good wife if I don’t have kids.
Wow. Okay, thanks, pals. First off, if you’re not married to me, what kind of opinion do you get on my wife skills? (The answer: you don’t.) Also, if my husband decided that he just absolutely, positively needed a baby, we’d talk about it. Marriage=partnership. You talk about things and you compromise. Like I said, I might change my mind in 6 months or 6 years. But just because I say, “I don’t really want children,” doesn’t mean you get to tell me what kind of wife I am. You’re not married to me. Step off.
4) “Oh, you’ll get bored and have a few.”
This comment really bothers me. Like, who gets bored and decides to create a human being? That’s a person. They will develop their own thoughts and emotions and could maybe be a genius. You shouldn’t treat life and the creation of it as a pastime to engage in when you get bored.
5) The common idea that I don’t know what love is until I have a child.
First off, again, you’re rude if you say this to anyone. You’re basically minimizing the love they feel for their spouse. And if you don’t know what love is before having kids, why is anyone getting married? You must not love each other. Does anyone else agree with how ignorant this sounds, or am I just salty? I do know that the love a parent feels for their child is a completely different love than what they feel for their spouse. But I also know that I love my husband. He makes me laugh, I like to annoy him, we watch Game of Thrones, cuddling with the dog is one of our favorite things, and sometimes we argue. I know what love is. Just because I don’t know the love of a parent to a child doesn’t mean I don’t know what love is. Don’t try to diminish the love I do know with love I have no intention of presently discovering. It’s ignorant sounding and rude.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I enjoy babies, and toddlers, and young kids. I love the way babies smell and I don’t mind babysitting. But just because I like those things doesn’t also mean I don’t like handing them back to their parents and going home to my baby-cry empty house.
So, what’s next? Well, right now, I’m focused on getting my husband home, turning off our phones, and ignoring that question until we’re ready for it. What’s next is maybe another dog, because the one we have is our child. Really, I’m not kidding. And he’s cute. So win win. What’s next is finally getting to enjoy married life for more than a week at a time together and in our own home. What’s next is Saturday mornings that start at 11 and weekends spent at Disneyland or rockclimbing just because we can. What’s next is: our business, because we’re the married ones. Ask away, that’s fine, but don’t criticize my answers, and tell me how I should be living my life, or planing for what’s next.
What’s next: I don’t know. But hey, I’m cool with finding out.