People come into your life to teach you lessons, I’ve come to believe. Some stay, and some go.
To the people who have come into my life and stayed: thank you. Without you, I don’t know who I’d be. I love you.
To the people who have come into my life and left: thank you. You taught me lessons, and no hard feelings. I’m a big girl, now.
As a child of divorce, I struggled with self worth, for a lot longer than some would imagine. Just recently have I realized and decided that although my parents made me, their marriage and it’s lack of success doesn’t define me, or my worth as their child. Just because their marriage failed, doesn’t mean that I was or am a failure.
I remember struggling with who I was for a long time. I’d go through phases of rebellion and pure nastiness just because I didn’t know. My mom would ask me what the point of it all was, why I was doing what I was doing, and I didn’t have an answer. And I still don’t, really. Maybe I thought any attention was good attention, even if it was negative. Maybe I thought I was getting back at someone for some imagined wrong.
People say that the friends you walk into high school with won’t be the ones you walk out with. And that’s true. When I walked into high school my freshman year, I don’t really remember who my friends were, now, 5 years later. I remember thinking my junior year that the girl I called my best friend would always be my best friend. She was fun, she remembered my birthday, she and I drove around town and spent hours in Hobby Lobby just because we could. And then we had a falling out because I thought I was doing the right thing, and oh, how it hurt.
Why does no one talk about friendship breakups? They’re worse than relationship breakups. She was the person I cried to, the person I escaped with for a little while, the person whose family welcomed me in like their own. And in the blink of an eye, I lost that. I thought I was helping her, and maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t. But all I know is that I lost that friendship, and I think that’s something that will always stick with me.
Thank you, though, best friend of junior year. We may not speak all that often, and we may have lost what we had, but you are still one of my favorite people. I see your posts and my heart hurts. But thank you, for showing me that sometimes you have to follow your morals, even though others will disagree with you. Thank you for showing me what friendship was at a hard time in my life. Thank you for showing me what best friendship was, and how to nurture it. I’ll always cherish the memories we made.
Thank you for leaving, to the guy who taught me how to fish and roller skate: I thought you and my mom were going to get married. You treated me like I was your own, and you pitched for my softball team, and you picked me and Natalie up from school. When that relationship ended, I was sad. It was like divorce all over again, almost.
Thank you, though, for still coming around for a little while after that. Even after you and mom split up, you still got me birthday cards and you still sent me a text when I graduated high school. You taught me that even though some relationships don’t work out, there’s no need to be nasty afterward. You and mom may not have worked out, but you never let me see the hard feelings between you two. Thank you for leaving, because now she’s found the person she’s deserved all along, and he fixes my headlights on my car and helps me move. Thank you for leaving and bringing him into my life.
Thank you for leaving, to my husband: two years ago, I thought being without you for three months would kill me. Because I was 16, and I have a tendency to be dramatic, and you’re the other half of me. And right now, this sucks. I’m sitting on the couch with the dog next to me and I’m missing you something terrible. I miss everything, even arguing. I miss not being lonely. But thank you for doing this. Thank you for teaching me that I can sort of, kind of, almost, maybe orchestrate a cross country move, without you. Thank you for teaching me that I am capable of sleeping alone, even though it’s hard. Thank you for teaching me that I can be my own hero, when you’re not around.
Just an FYI, though: when you get back, you’re required to go back to hero-ing. Sorry not sorry.
To the people who have come into my life and stayed: thank you, most of all. You showed me that love is unconditional, and that sometimes, love is a choice. Thank you for choosing to love me, just as I have chosen to love you.
A special thanks to my Gra, my best friend. You held my hand when I cried, even though tears make you uncomfortable. You have gone on adventures with me and are an inspiration to others, and I am blessed to know you. You stood beside me on my wedding day, and promised to fall down if I tripped down the aisle. You’ve never said to me to suck it up. You’ve never done anything but support me, and that’s a huge thing when all I do is whine. Thank you for telling me to “cry on the inside”, so I won’t ruin my mascara. Thank you for being able to sit in silence with me. I hope Europe is shaping up to be all you planned on it being. I love you, and my home will always be yours. Thank you for coming into my life and staying.
Thank you to everyone who has taught me anything. Which would be everyone.