Maybe they warned you. Maybe they said “this is going to be hard.” Maybe someone somewhere along the way cautioned you against this kind of life, this kind of marriage or relationship.
And you did it anyway. Call it stubbornness, call it determination, call it love. Call it what you will, you dove headfirst or tiptoed carefully into or perhaps tripped ungracefully into this life.
So, here’s to you, lonely.
Here’s to the sleepless nights. You read about them, you prepared yourself as best as you could. And it still wasn’t enough on that very first night alone, was it? You cried miserably until you gave yourself a headache just like the rest of us. Here’s to making it through the sleepless nights, one night at a time.
Here’s to making friends with women you’ve met on Facebook, or in the airport. I get it. When Ricky went to bootcamp, all the girls whose men were in India had a Facebook group. And that’s how I met the people who I call when the sleepless nights get to be too much. The day Ricky deployed, I met a woman in the airport who was flying in to visit her Marine for Valentine’s Day. And she made a point to text me and see how I was doing months into this deployment, when everyone around me had seemed to stop caring. Here’s to best friends, no matter where you made them.
Here’s to sucking it up. Ouch. Just this phrase sets my teeth on edge and puts me in a mood. Don’t tell me to suck it up. But honestly, if you tell YOURSELF to suck it up, it’s okay. It’s hard. Don’t ever deny that this life is hard, because it is. Don’t diminish this trial by acting as though it’s easy. But you find the strength to get through the days and countdown to homecomings and keep on going. Here’s to never giving up, and always keeping on.
Here’s to falling in love with yourself. What? What I mean is: when you’re with your SO 24/7, you see all the things about that person to love. When you’re alone, you have to look at yourself. And some wives get into a rut and see all the things they hate about themselves. But why? Deployment can make you sad. But it can also make you fall in love with yourself. You learn that sometimes your hair doesn’t cooperate, and it looks okay that way. You learn that sometimes, you run out of makeup and hey. I don’t look half bad. You learn that you are stronger than you thought, and if you’re like me, the phrase “I AM AWESOME. I AM KICKING DEPLOYMENT’S BUTT,” is what gets you out of bed sometimes. Here’s to loving who you are, when you’re all alone.
Here’s to being lonely. Oh, it sucks. You miss things like coffee in the morning, or watching TV together. You miss reading your favorite book while he plays games on his phone in bed. You miss the little things, the big things, and all the normal things in between. But, hey. Look at you. You’re doing just fine, and you’re going to get through it. One day closer.
You’re a kind of superwoman, you know. So good for you, darling.
Here’s to you, Lonely.
Keep kicking deployment’s butt.