Oh, the joys of rising early…or never finding sleep. I am a firm believer no one should ever see 2:30 am, it is a sacred time for deep slumber. That being said, hello again 2:30 am. It’s Tuesday morning, and I haven’t slept a wink Monday night.
Honestly, I am 76 days into deployment, and I am a confused mix of emotions. I’m trying to figure out this on base housing application process (which, once I figure it out, will be a blog post all on its own…I can’t find anything online to help me!), I am ridiculously tired, my husband and I are dealing with bank fraud from two different countries, my phone bill is OUTRAGEOUS (for an international bill, I suppose), and I feel a bit overwhelmed.
There’s a lot going on in my life right now, and I can’t help but wonder how in the world I can make it through six more months of this craziness. Which is what a lot of military wives must feel, hopefully. I can’t be that special. And here’s how I’ve made it through the past few days of UGH.
Military wife squad: and why you need one.
Oh. Oh. My. Word. What would I do without these women? Mary, McKenna, Nora, Jo…honestly, these girls have been my rocks for two years. They have almost all stood in my shoes for some sort of trial. As a military wife, having these women is important. Outside friendships are great. My best friend in the entire world is Grace, and she’s off at college, but she keeps me rooted in civilian life. She reminds me I am a person other than the Marine wife, other than the “dependent”, other than the woman to ask “when is he coming home?” But having that military wife squad is so important. Mary has finished a deployment, so she knows how it feels like I’m dying on the inside. McKenna has dealt with loneliness and the idiocy of husbands. Nora has dealt with moving cross country and working to supplement her and her husband, even if he can support her. Jo has learned so much about real love and how it transforms you as a person, and she is the go to girl when you doubt your self worth. Without them, I’d be ripping my hair out and rocking back and forth violently. (They’ve reduced it so that my hair is only falling out and it’s a gentle sway back and forth.) Without them, I would be lost in the pit of 2:30 am.
Spirituality: whatever you believe in.
I’m a Christian, and a firm believer. My feet are firmly planted on the rock, and sometimes, when I feel as though I can’t even breathe because of everything going on, I open my Bible. Tonight, as I was sure my sanity had flown out the door, I flipped to a random page, nailed a finger down, and looked at the scripture I had found. “Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created.” ~Esther 4:14 Simply reading the Word calmed my troubled spirit, and I shut my laptop, and put my housing paperwork away. It could wait until after work Tuesday. For those of you unfamiliar, the book of Esther is a book all about the strength of a woman. I suggest any woman struggling with her purpose read it. Spirituality is so important. It is what anchors your soul, and what feeds your morale. Personally, I feel a million times more comforted when I give my struggles, and my feeling of being overwhelmed up to God. He is good, and He will provide in His time. He knows the plans He has for me.
Humility: being humble and asking for help
I have literally begged and borrowed all sorts of help from all sorts of people when it comes to this housing application. Women on Instagram, Marine friends of my husband, wives on Facebook…when it comes down to it, all of us MilSOs are in the same boat. There will be the women who believe they are better than you because you’ve been married for 5 months and are going through your first deployment, and there will be women who say, “Hey, I can help you!” And all it takes is being humble enough to say, “CAN SOMEONE ANYWHERE PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE I MURDER MY HUSBAND FOR LEAVING ME TO DO THIS?!” (I may or may not have asked for help just like this…I retain my right to remain silent.)
Point is, sometimes, 2:30 am will come, and you will be awake. But that doesn’t mean that you’re falling apart. That doesn’t mean you are going down. All it means is that you need to take a step back (and maybe a nap later), and reevaluate. Heck, you’re going through deployment, or maybe something else that feels just as hard.
You are strong.
You are capable.
You are unbroken.
You will get through this.
Find yourself some friends who understand what you’re going through. Find what you believe in and cling to it. Ask for help when you need it. And be assured that one day at a time, you can take this. There can only be so many 2:30 am’s before you’re in a better place. Now, drink some coffee, put on some music, and conquer your day, even if it started without the one before it ending.
You got this.