Day 51

I am 51 days into an undetermined amount of days, in the dreaded D-word…DEPLOYMENT. And today has not been bad. I would be lying if I said that I woke up this morning and didn’t hurt. Of course I hurt. I’ll tell you, waking up every morning without your best friend is like having your arm fall off. You’re the only one who can see that you’re missing an arm though, and everyone thinks you’re crazy for scrounging around for it. Why do they think you’re crazy? Because they aren’t affected. Is that cruel? Maybe. But your husband, boyfriend, best friend, brother, sister being gone doesn’t interfere with their everyday lives like it does yours. They don’t understand that when you get exciting news, you can’t tell the person who matters most. And trust me, you don’t want them to. Because then, the “I’m sorry”s, and the “are you okay”s and the “call me if you need me”s mean something more. And you probably don’t want that. Because if they understood the way it feels, that would put EVERYONE in your shoes, and who needs a bunch of moping MilSos? So, keep the moping to a minimum and to yourself. Be sad, because the person you love is gone. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t be unhappy. Don’t let anyone say, “Be positive!”, if you don’t feel like being positive. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE SAD. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE A BAD DAY. And if someone tries to tell you differently, drop them. They don’t deserve the strong person you are on a good day, or the sobbing, sticky mess of a person you are on a bad day. But don’t let your sad, bad, angry, messy days get in the way of this beautiful thing called life. God creates everyday brand new; don’t let your emotions waste it away. Crying? Take a bath, put on some gangsta rap, and handle that mess of a room. (I have yet to do this. No judgment.) Feeling empty? Hit the gym and burn some calories. It is literally the best way to feel like you’ve accomplished something worthwhile. You will feel better because of the endorphins, you will be tired, and you will probably sleep better in that big, empty bed of yours. And if it’s one of those days where the gym, and being productive, and that tube of cookie dough didn’t seem to help? Then, hey. That’s okay. Breathe deep, and realize that you are one more minute closer to having your person back home. And wake up tomorrow with a new plan, and kick the new day’s butt. Deployment is but a trial, “and this, too, shall pass.”




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